A Reason to Change
by Amanthya
Summary: After an attack that lands her in the hopsital, Relena awakes a changed person. She's secretive and manipulative. Is this permanent or is she faking? And can Heero give her a reason to change back?
1. The Evening before the Outbreak

A Reason to Change During the annual ball held to celebrate peace, Heero shows up to protect Relena. But despite his best efforts, Relena was hurt, and when she wakes up in the hospital, she is like a completely different person. Will the old Relena ever come back? And does she have a reason to? Maybe Heero can give her one...

_Previously posted under penname "Evanjaleene"; lost the password and email account and is being reposted under new name._

**Chapter One: The Evening before the Outbreak**

Relena and her companion sat down to a late tea break. "Thank you," she said as the slim man across the table handed her the cream.

"No prob, Miss D."

Relena smiled. Alex was as informal as they came, not like the others who worked with and around her. But it was comforting rather than insulting, to be around someone who wasn't so stiff and proper.

Folding the napkin over her lap, Relena watched as Alex pulled his chair closer to the table and helped himself to the food. He was Mrs. Rykoshkei's greatest cause of grief. She had gotten him to remember to pull out chairs and hold open doors for ladies, but he was by no means the "perfectly gentlemanly gentleman" she hoped for in her nephew, who was living with her because of his parent's untimely deaths.

"So they stuck you with one of those dances? You know, where they blah blah at you and dance like wooden dummies?" Alex glanced up from his chicken for a second.

"Yes. And what's worse than the boring conversations is the fact that almost none who goes to these things can dance at all." Relena wrinkled her nose and frowned down at her plate. Alex, however, was laughing.

Brushing back his blonde-tipped hair, he sighed in mock-sadness. "Oh yes, Miss Relena, 'tis such a pity. Poor lass, you'll be lucky if you still have toes by this time tomorrow. So sad--" here he broke off laughing unashamedly.

"Yeah, they'll be so stepped on I'll have to wear big flat duck shoes for my poor feet!" Relena couldn't help laughing with him as a servant came striding up in the usual stiff-legged manner. He had a message for "young master Alex", who scowled when he read it.

"What?"

"Seems the Young Master will have to be off to attend the reading of his great-aunt Annie's will, even though that wasn't scheduled until tomorrow. My great-uncle has to fly away on business and wants this whole mess sorted out now. Meaning, my fun is now over. Humph. Anyway," Alex smiled faintly at her, attempting to relax, "I'll see you later, Miss D."

"Bye Alex thanks for stopping by," came her warm farewell with a matching good-bye smile. He almost melted.

Privately, Alex had a tad bit of a crush on her, but never said anything. 'Sure, after all,' Alex thought, 'she's only four years older than me, and the vice-foreign minister. I must seem like such a little kid to her.'

Alex sighed as he left Relena's large estate, his dark green eyes dimming some. 'She'll never look at me that way. Not like him.'

Anger darkened the young man's face as he stepped into his car and gunned it down the driveway.

Watching him speed away, Relena sighed to herself. He was a relief from the usual social hu-rah she had to deal with at her meetings. But he always looked like he wanted to tell her something, something important, but just couldn't bring himself to do it.

'Like, You look as pale as a ghost, or, man, you look like an exhausted zombie in need of some sun?'

Relena smiled wryly at her thoughts. She left the tea and finger-foods on the delicate glass-topped table in her public garden, deciding to visit her private garden now.

"I need a break. I need some sleep." She thought a moment. "I need a tan," she added to the list. She stopped and gazed up at the sky. "I need a life outside peacekeeping. This just isn't cutting it anymore," she murmured.

Glancing around, Relena flung herself down on the grass and stared into the endless stretch of blue.

The roses were all white in her personal garden, and were all blooming. She could see them--

Relena frowned. No, she couldn't. Someone's jean-clad legs were blocking her view. Who dared bother her here? "Excuse me, but--Heero?" Relena cut herself off with a gasp. Then inwardly she cringed. Why couldn't she ever say more than his name? Why couldn't she ever manage to put together at least one decent sounding sentence in his presence? She fought a blush.

Heero gazed at her coolly. He was wearing what she had dubbed "the new and improved Heero Uniform". That was, a green tank top, blue jeans, a jean jacket and brownish-black boots.

"Relena." Heero nodded to her, curt as always, then put out his had to her.

For a moment Relena stared at his hand blankly with no idea what he was doing. Then she realized he meant to help her up off the ground.

Blushing, Relena put her hand into his and Heero effortlessly pulled her into a standing position. Then he let her go.

"What are you doing here?" Relena asked, smoothing her ice-blue summer dress. 'Not that was care about impressing him or anything,' a voice in her head taunted her. 'Shut up!' she mentally ordered it.

Thankfully, Heero was too busy looking around for any possible enemies to notice her arguing with herself. His voice was distant and flat when he spoke.

"Quatre contacted me-"

"He did?" Relena interrupted, surprised.

Heero flashed her an annoyed glance-more emotion than he would usually showed right there--and Relena blushed guiltily, feeling stupid, like a little kid at a grown-up party, for some reason.

"Yes he did. He told me about the ball that you are required to attend tonight to celebrate our new, peaceful world." Heero sounded almost sarcastic and he paused here, maybe waiting for a defensive remark, but Relena said nothing. She was staring at her feet and fiddling with the buttons on her cream-colored jacket, uncharacteristically fidgety. Heero continued.

"I already knew about it, of course."

"Of course." Relena nodded, inwardly appreciating his broader chest, muscular arms and legs, attractive-almost pretty face, and unruly hair.

"Quatre thinks that this would be the perfect time for someone to attack you. The expected time, yet also unexpected with the recent crime low. He thinks it would probably be a good idea if I hung around you, to discourage anyone planning to hurt you."

The sun peeked out from behind a cloud and shone down on Relena's face as she processed what Heero was saying. He would stay by her side tonight for the ball. All night long, until the ball was over.

'And then he'll be gone again tomorrow, so don't get excited, princess,' the ugly voice in Relena's head rose again.

"It's true..."

"What's true?" Heero asked sharply. He looked...concerned? No. Relena blinked and was nothing on his face.

"That...people could still want to destroy the peace we have finally achieved." 'Oh, brilliant, Princess. Bet he won't even notice that you're so desperate just to talk to him that what you're saying is entirely stupid and obvious.'

Relena frowned, then noticed Heero staring at her with one eyebrow cocked.

She again found herself noticing how mature his face was, how beautiful, even without expression.

Heero raised both eyebrows and Relena's face turned beet red. 'He caught me staring at him!' she thought and turned away. "I'm going back to my quarters to prepare for the ball."

"Fine," Heero said and walked beside her.

'What is he doing?'

"You're going to follow me up to my room?" Relena asked incredulously, then wished she hadn't. She had a sudden vision of her and Heero, alone in her room, kissing, maybe even...

Relena shook the mental picture off.

"I'm following you back to the house. I meant it when I said I'd be hanging around you all night."

Again, there went Relena's mind with the her-and-Heero-kissing images when he said "all night". Relena shivered. "All night?" she repeated, feeling dread begin to creep up her spine, making her nervous, worrying she couldn't handle his being here all night with her.

Heero gave her a sidelong glance as they neared the door to the Darlian Residence. He nodded tightly.

Relena walked up to her room, knowing Heero watched her every step of the way, and shut the door firmly, a lesson in reality to herself as much as it was a warning to Heero not to follow her in her.

"It's only five o'clock now, two and a half hours until the ball begins," Relena said to her treasured stuffed bear, a gift from Heero on her sixteenth birthday two years ago.

"How will I make it through the night knowing he's going to be leaving me again tomorrow?" Relena choked back a sob of self-pity and fell against her blush-colored bed, holding her bear tightly.

"He'll be with me until twelve tonight, when the ball ends. Then he'll be gone again for who knows how long," Relena whispered.

Her bear had no answer to give her, lying against her on the white pillows and pale pink blankets.

Relena sighed and let him go, picking herself up and heading for the bathtub.

"Well, if there's nothing I can do about it, might as well stop whining." The bathroom door shut and Relena's teddy bear lay all alone on the bed, looking as sad as Relena felt.

If only she could have known how Heero felt, more specifically how he felt about her. But he wouldn't even admit to himself he cared for her. Or that he could even feel at all...

"I don't have emotions. And certainly none for her," he told himself outside her room in the hallway, trying to force himself to believe it.

'Oh yes you do-o...' The Truth whispered.

'Shut up. Now.'

'Fine, deny it. Make yourself and her suffer.'

Heero stopped his relentless pacing outside her door and wondered in his head, was Relena suffering because of him?

No, she couldn't be. She was just tired. And it didn't matter to Heero if Relena did care for him anyway...did it?


	2. Let the Heartache Begin

**A Reason To Change Chapter Two: Let the Heartache Begin**

It was a gloriously rainless night. The stars seem to shine just a little bit brighter. The air, sweeter than usual. The moon a vivid and dazzling silver.

Relena came down the steps to the first floor of her home wearing a beautiful silk gown. It was a creamy butterscotch color designed to accentuate her golden-brown hair, with sleeves that fell of the shoulders to reveal her smooth neck and the flawless skin of her shoulders. The bodice was form fitting, but not scandalously so, though the deep scoop neck was a little low for Relena's taste. She was thankful that her personal maid had picked out a dress with a full- length skirt; she hadn't felt like applying tanning lotion to her legs tonight.

Plucking at the short sleeves, Relena carefully made her way down the white-marble steps in her new heels and hoped her feet wouldn't be falling off by the end of the night.

"Your gloves, madam," said the new butler Henry. Relena had employed the Frenchman after the death of faithful servant and family friend Pagan, who had passed away in his sleep six months ago. Blinking back sudden tears, Relena accepted the silky white gloves that went up to her elbow and murmured her thank you.

"Ready?" Heero's voice startled Relena, who had forgotten him, and she jumped, catching her toe on the velvet carpet and falling.

"Oh!" Relena gasped, but her trip to meeting the floor face-first was brought to an abrupt end by the perfect soldier's perfect reflexes. Blinking rapidly, she opened her aquamarine eyes to find herself looking at a stretch of black and white-Heero's shirt and formal tux- as Henry exclaimed loudly somewhere behind her.

Heero straightened her up and she got a better look at him--he looked good!--but he was frowning slightly under his still wild chocolate brown bangs.

"Uh...mm, th-thank you," she stammered.

"No problem," Heero said and walked past her towards the door.

For the zillionth time that evening it seemed, Relena felt her face burn because of Heero or something he did as she reassured Henry she was fine and grabbed her purse. But this time she wasn't embarrassed, she was angry. He didn't have to be so impersonal and rude.

'And to think you're in love with him,' the Little Voice said. Relena ignored it and stalked out to her limo where Heero held the door open and then climbed in himself without a word to her. He sat staring straight ahead as if he was enduring a nightmare, which made Relena even madder. Was her company that bad?

Fuming, she told herself that this was the only was she should feel about him-angry. He was cold and uncaring and a jerk and-and--

Had her heart in his hand. She couldn't stay angry with him for acting the way he had been raised to. All she could think of as she sat in silence was how much she loved him because of who he was underneath that stony shell and wished that he loved her too. Or at least would be her friend, if nothing else. She had so few she could really trust. None she'd been through war with from beginning to end like she had with Heero.

'And we're back to being hopeless,' the Little Voice said as Relena smoothed the skirt of her dress and spared a quick longing glance at him. He has his usual unreadable expression.

'Does she wish I wasn't here?' Heero wondered. He didn't think so, even though she was being unusually quiet. She had always welcomed his presence before. Maybe something was wrong. Maybe he should ask-but then she'd know he cared and it already took all of his willpower not to reach out and touch her or smile gently at her. He couldn't risk it; he could lose control and end up hurting her. He didn't want that, ever. So he decided to take the perfect soldier's advice and just stay as far away from her as he could.

'It's really helping too,' Truth said sarcastically, 'See? You never once acted like the human you want to be in this whole two and a half-hours so far in her presence. How nice. A real step forward.'

'Shut up!' he screamed in his own mind. 'I don't want to hurt her! What if I start to love her and I can't take it and go crazy? I'll end up leaving and she'll be heartbroken.'

'You mean like she is now?'

Heero's fist clenched at his side and he fought to maintain his blank expression. He wanted to clutch his head and scream, but not in front of Relena.

'Maybe you should let her heal you.' The voice in his head he privately called The Truth was being gentle now. 'She wants to, and you want her to.'

Heero stared at Relena's reflection in the window. You could hardly see the glass separating him from the rest of the world right now, but it was there.

Just like the invisible wall he had set up between him and Relena to protect his heart.

Alex Grahandi waited patiently for the vice-foreign minister to arrive and brighten his evening.

He had gone to the will reading and found he was to inherit Annie's huge house, the twenty-nine acres it was on, and two beautiful thoroughbred racers; one a chestnut filly and the other a bay stallion, both doing extremely well at the tracks. Not that he knew much about horses. He wondered if Relena did.

But Alex wasn't thinking of his inheritance, he was thinking of the slim beauty that had occupied his thoughts all day, and how he wanted to sweep her into his arms for a dance the first chance he got.

Of course, being of royal blood, Alex had attended these sorts of balls and parties since he was a boy of ten, trying to remember his manners. But it was only in the last three years that he had actually begun to enjoy them--that was when Relena had begun to attend them.

Naturally, all the older politicians would get a dance with "Miss Relena" first, but that didn't Alex wouldn't have his chance. He would make sure that he did--Perfect Soldier being there or not. Relena would surely see him here tonight and notice he was not the gangly fourteen year-old she had first met.

And then he saw her.


	3. It All Falls Apart

**A Reason To Change Chapter Three: It All Falls Apart**

"'Evening, Miss Relena," a guard tipped his hat to her and she smiled personably at him as she passed.

"Oh, Miss Relena, there you are!" exclaimed Gabriella St. Clair. She was the wife of a fellow politician of Relena's who agreed with her no- weapons, no-war theory. "How are you, darling?"

"Oh, fine, Gabriella. You?"

"Well," the brunette laughed, "I could use more sleep than my toddler allows. He's so adorable, though. Looks just like his father." Gabriella smiled fondly and Relena smiled warmly back as an older man who'd been on the council for years asked her to dance.

"I'd be delighted to, Mr. Arbenworth," she lied as the fumbling politician--on opposite sides with Relena on the total universal disarmament issue--grasped her just a little too tightly and swept her out into the sea of dancers.

'Allen Arbenworth. Huh, his initials are AA. I know! How 'bout we call him Asshole Anonymous!' the Little Voice quipped, but Relena shoved it down into the back of her mind and plastered on a smile, wondering where her tall, dark and brooding bodyguard was.

She had gone through three more dances with ancient men of questionable morals and when she finally saw another friendly face.

"Alex!"

Heero stalked the social butterfly through the room, grimacing at the senile old fools who apparently hoped they could charm Relena into getting cozy with them in the three to five minutes their turn with her lasted.

"Ridiculous fools, she'll never go for them, and if they lay a hand on her, I'll--' Heero cut himself off mid-threat and took a second to think about what he was saying, er, thinking.

'Nothing,' he finished sternly. 'I'll do nothing. Because I don't care about her and she can defend herself anyway.'

'And here I thought we were making so much progress,' The Truth sighed. Heero ignored it as he usually did and went back to his Relena- watching, freezing with interest and something like jealousy as another man asked her for a dance--a young and charismatic lookingman.

Relena accepted with an enthusiasm that made Heero suspicious and rather annoyed. Just who was this blonde hotshot holding her by the waist?

Alex smiled charmingly at his beautiful, suddenly vivacious companion. "I must say, Rel, that dress is stunning on you," he said, using the other nick-name he had given her. Relena laughed and seemed to get fully into the moment, forgetting the troubled that had occupied her mind earlier.

"And you're looking exceptionally handsome yourself, Alex." Her saucy, almost flirtatious smile made him itch to lean in and kiss her, but one, they weren't alone, and two, he didn't think Relena meant to give him the impressions she felt anything other than happiness to see another person closer to her age-and one she knew.

"Tell me," he said instead, continuing the playful theme of their dialogue, "do you always go about enchanting men and stealing their hearts? Or is it just something that can't be helped?"

"Well," Relena pretended to think, "usually it's an accident-I can't help it that I'm beautiful! Except," her eyes twinkled merrily, "when I really like the guy I'm enchanting." Her lips turned up in an alluring and somehow innocently seductive smile.

Alex felt his breath catch in his throat. Leaning closer, he dipped his head towards hers with every intention of kissing her-everyone else there be damned!-when-

BLAM-BLAM-BLAM! Armed men burst into the room.

"Where's Queen Relena?" one man cocked his gun, grinning maliciously.

The Perfect Soldier was nowhere in sight.


	4. Still In Harm's Way

A/N: I now some people must actually be following this, not just randomly checking out new fics, because people doing that only look at the first chapter, maybe second. I see people are reading chapters three and four, but only two people have reviewed. Is it that bad a fic—in which case, I do need to know that—or are people just not reviewing? Please review!

_Amanthya_

**Chapter Four: Still In Harm's Way**

Heero gave a little grunt of relief as he finally, after a whole day, was able to go to the bathroom. He'd hated to leave Relena, but did so against his better judgment for one simple reason: he really had to go.

But as he exited the men's room, his soldier's intuition told him something was wrong. Deadly wrong.

He quickly strolled over in a fast-paced but silent movement towards the ballroom. Once he had the expansive chamber in his sights, his face went cold and pale and he clenched his fists at his sides in mute horror.

An armed man pointed a gun at the aloof, dignified Vice-Foreign Minister, brandishing it at the blonde haired man at her side when he moved to go in front of her.

'Not like that'll really save her,' The Truth said anxiously in the back of his head. 'And if she gets killed, the whole universe is back to chaos. Not to mention you'll never even try to come out of your "Perfect Soldier" shell again.'

Heero ignored It and searched the room. Two men a little ways behind the one before Relena. Four at the main entrance way, two on each side of the indoor balconies and railways. Likely more outside--and inside--as well that Heero couldn't immediately see. The guards probably already dealt with. Perhaps...no, it was most likely Heero was the only gundam pilot around. He was really on his own here.

'Damn. I may never go to the bathroom again,' he thought.

Relena glared at the man, who was fingering his gun like it was a fascinating new toy he couldn't wait to try out. On her. Or Alex. Or just about anyone who blinked.

'Oh man. What away to die,' said the little voice. 'And never having been kissed by the one man you love. This has all been in vain. You've waited and waited. And now you're going to die.'

'Stop it!' Relena yelled at herself while maintaining a frosty air of dislike towards the man in front of her. 'I refuse to think that way. My life's work hasn't been in vain, and I am not going to die. Heero will come...'

"Well, Miss Relena," said the dark haired man, who was dressed in black uniform pants and a dark green long-sleeved vest over a white shirt. Relena interrupted him.

"Who sent you? What do you want?"

Alex moved to get in front of her, to protect her, but she shook her head at him as the man waved the gun threateningly.

"My name is Eric Brantsforth. You may have heard of my father, Davon Brantsforth. Of course, he liked to go by his mother's last name. He was well known as Davon Crossfier."

Relena's eyes widened. Davon Crossfier was the leader of a group connected with the Paiton Operation. He was first-hand man to Paiton Geary, who was making millions on the black market with all sorts of armaments and weaponry--and even a few mobile suits. The Preventors had shut him and his men down and locked him away for life when he had not only supplied artillery to the terrorists who'd attacked Relena two years ago, but was found to be planning his own attempt of her life. After all, he now had to make his living illegally.

"I see you know full well who I am talking about. You gave the order. You had him locked away for life...! Well, I won't waste anymore time in killing you--"

"Aaarg!" one of the men on the balcony cried suddenly and fell over the rail, plummeting thirty feet to the ground, landing with a sickening crunch of his bones. People screamed and leapt away and his partners barely had time to wonder what had happened when they began to gasp and slump over in pain themselves. Eric grabbed Relena's arm, shoving Alex back, and jerked around to scan the area. His eyes widened and he leapt sideways, almost tripping over Relena as a bullet flew past him--an accidental shot from own of his own dying men--and ricochet off the floor in a black-gray blur. He put his gun to Relena's head. "Heero Yuy! Shoulda known you'd be here! Of course, when you didn't detect us coming in, I figured you'd either lost your touch or didn't care about your precious princess."

Out of the corner of her eye, Relena thought she saw...but it wouldn't be...wasn't he on his honeymoon...?

Trowa gracefully flipped throw the air and before Eric had time to shoot him--though he did turn and aim--slammed into the man feet-first. Heero mentally applauded, grateful his friends were here, even if it annoyed him they hadn't told him. No, they had to put all the pressure of guarding Relena--being right by her side all day and night long--all on him. One would think it was a damn conspiracy.

Duo took aim on his left and took care of the remaining soldiers as Quatre radioed in to the earpiece Heero was wearing that he'd found the mostly knocked out--but some dead--guards. "I doubt they even had time to feel their death before they were gone," he said.

Heero nodded though Quatre couldn't see him, leapt from the shadows of his positions on a ledge and dropped to the ground, landing on both feet, leaning a little forward as was his custom to avoid being seen.

He advanced on Eric as Trowa pinned him down with on foot on his neck and Relena edged towards him. "You didn't plan well enough. Or bring enough men."

Eric wheezed at him, choking. "No one's seen you for years. Not even last time Queen Relena was attacked." It was true. He'd managed to stay out of sight last time he saved her. "And the...other pilots haven't been seen anywhere near Relena...cough in some time."

Heero looked down at him with no expression whatsoever on his face. "I'm sick of you trying to kill her," he said in a flat tone. He raised the small but effective gun in his hand, Trowa backed away a bit, and he shot Eric pointblank.

More screams. Even Relena covered her mouth in shock and breathed out, "Heero..."

"What do you want from me?" he asked so quietly only she--and Trowa--could hear. "For me to be merciful so they can come back and try it again? So they can hurt others?"

Relena didn't answer and Heero turned away, just as Quatre began to yell frantically in his ear. "Heero! Get them out, get them out, there's a bomb!"

"What!" he yelled, startling Relena, who didn't know who he was talking to.

"I guess he wanted to make sure Relena payed for--"

Heero stopped listening, ran back to Relena, and grabbed her by the waist, throwing her over his shoulder. "Get them out!" he yelled to Trowa and Duo, who knew there could be only one reason for his abrupt actions. They began to herd people out the safe exits, the closest ones, even though that sometimes was past dead soldiers and guards, and Quatre counted down as he too exited the building somewhere ahead of Heero.

"...Two...One!"

FWAUSHT!

Air was sucked in towards the building then exploded out in a deafening roar. Heero ran as fast as his legs could go and Relena gripped at the back of his shirt. Heero could feel the heat and small bits of building flying around him even from the distance he was at.

"Heero--ugh..."

Heero threw Relena forward in the red-orange blaze and saw he forehead was cut from a piece of wreckage that had come flying at her. Damn! Why hadn't he carried her in a more protective manner?

"Relena!" he cried, shaking her, horrified after all this she had still gotten hurt. "Relena, Relena!"

"Re...lena...lena...!"

Relena heard Heero's voice at a distance, still thinking about the bit of debris that had flown toward her in slow motion, but fast enough that she barely had time to call out. It had hurt a little, when it hit her, but now she couldn't really feel the pain.

Heero laid her down on the grass, amongst the leaves and rubble, and was calling to her. But for once Relena really didn't feel like answering. She liked where she was. Floating...


End file.
